Katy Perry is working with a heartbreak coach to get over her messy divorce with Russell Brand, and help herself make better relationship decisions in the future, according to recent reports. From celebrities like Katy Perry to the girl next door, we all suffer heartbreak after a breakup or divorce.
“But surprisingly, heartbreak can also be a golden opportunity for growth,” says Aurora Winter, heartbreak coach and author of From Heartbreak to Happiness. “Every crisis also represents an opportunity. Heartbreak coaching can make the difference between people becoming bitter – or better. Coaching speeds personal growth, bringing new tools, resources, and insights.”
John F. Kennedy said, “The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word “crisis.” One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger—but recognize the opportunity.”
“Heartbreak coaching helps you release the past and let go of any bitterness, resentment or anger,” says Aurora Winter. “Then coaching helps you visualize, design, and create your ideal future. Your coach will hold you accountable to take action, whether it’s getting back on the dating scene, or getting back to the gym. A coach will also invite you to raise your standards for your life and not settle for mediocrity. A heartbreak coach will help you get clarity, and then insist you get busy!”
Common wisdom is that heartbreak damages us. But recent research shows that challenge builds character, grit, and determination that are essential for long-term success.
A former screenwriter, Aurora views life as a hero’s journey. Every hero faces adversity. The difference is in how we choose to respond. You can choose to grow.
“What if heartbreak is the secret to happiness?” asks Aurora. “Heartbreak asks you what really matters, who you really are, and what you really want.”
Heartbreak can be like an earthquake, devastating your life. Coaching can help you decide if you want to rebuild the exact same cottage you had before—or if you’d rather build something more resilient and more pleasing.
You can avoid regret by answering these questions:
1. How can I design my life so that I’m happy and flourishing?
2. How can I attract and build better relationships?
3. How can I let go of the expectations of others, and live a life true to my dreams?
4. How can I create a life of meaning and purpose?
5. How can I express my true self more fully, and not die with my music inside me?
When you’re ready to begin dating again, here are some tips:
1. Get clear—Get clear on your core values and goals for your new relationship. Describe your ideal partner’s top 12 characteristics and put them in order of priority. For example: a good listener, successful, values family, loyal, self-confident, likes to travel, creative, owns a home.
2. No mixed signals –Look at your list of the top 12 characteristics. The top 3 are your “must have’s.” For example: a good listener, successful, values family. Don’t even have a coffee date with someone who doesn’t have those top 3 traits. Use your dates to discover if they have the top 6 traits. If they do, that’s a relationship worth exploring.
3. Release the past – bitterness, resentment and anger are common after a divorce or breakup. “Nothing repels new love faster than unresolved heartbreak over the past,” says Aurora. Work with a heartbreak coach so you don’t subconsciously sabotage your future.
4. Choose growth —A growth mindset is the difference between a temporary setback or a permanent failure. Choose to grow. Improving yourself is a powerful way to attract your ideal mate. Do you have the top 12 traits yourself? If not, work on self-improvement. People are capable of so much more than they think. Raise your standards for yourself and become all you can be!
5. Choose gratitude—Every day, ask yourself “What went well and why?” Find at least 5 things to be grateful for. Acknowledge your part in things going well. As you come to appreciate yourself and appreciate each day more deeply, you will become happier. Not only is it more fun to be happy—it’s also the most irresistible thing to the opposite sex!
This article appears courtesy of EverydayHealth.com